Now We Run

　　A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

现在我们跑吧

一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。
看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。
他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子？”
小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”

Works Like a Charm

(Originally in English)

A man approached a beautiful woman in a supermarket
and asked her, “You know, I've lost my wife here in
the supermarket. Can you please talk to me for a few
minutes?” The woman asked him, “Why?” “Oh,
you know, because every time I talk to a beautiful
woman, my wife will appear out of nowhere!”

巧施妙计

　
在超市里，有位男士走向一位美丽的女子，问她说：
「我在超市和我太太走散了，你能和我聊天几分钟吗？」
这位女子问道：「为什么呢？」「喔，因为每次我和
美女讲话时，我太太就会出其不意冒出来！」

Send the Bill to My Father

Doctor： ″I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.″
Patient： ″then send the bill to my father，please.″

把账单给我父亲

医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”
病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”

We Share Everything!
(originally in English)
On their wedding day a new wife said to her husband,
"From today, we're one; we're married. So I don't want
you to say, 'It's yours' or 'It's mine.' We have to say,
'It's ours.'" And the husband said, "OK."The next
morning, they were in their honeymoon suite, which had
only one toilet: It's romantic to share everything, but
the wife was desperate to go to the bathroom since the
husband had been in there for a very long time.So finally
she said, "Honey! What are you doing in there? Why are
you taking so long?" And the husband said, "Oh,
I'm sorry! I'm having trouble shaving our beard today
because yesterday you used our razor to sharpen our
eyebrow pencil."

共享一切

在新婚之日，新娘对她的丈夫说：「我们已经结婚了，从今天
起就是同一体，所以你不要再说『这是你的，那是我的』，
要说『这是我们的』。」先生同意了。

他们住的蜜月套房只有一间盥洗室，一起共用每样东西的感觉
很浪漫，不过第二天早晨，那位太太急着要用盥洗室，先生却
待在里面久久不出来。最后她忍不住说道：「亲爱的，你在里
面做什么？怎么那么久啊？」先生说：「喔，抱歉！因为昨天
用我们的刮胡刀削我们的眉笔，今天我刮我们的胡子时，
麻烦就大了！」

We Share Everything!
(originally in English)
On their wedding day a new wife said to her husband,
"From today, we're one; we're married. So I don't want
you to say, 'It's yours' or 'It's mine.' We have to say,
'It's ours.'" And the husband said, "OK."The next
morning, they were in their honeymoon suite, which had
only one toilet: It's romantic to share everything, but
the wife was desperate to go to the bathroom since the
husband had been in there for a very long time.So finally
she said, "Honey! What are you doing in there? Why are
you taking so long?" And the husband said, "Oh,
I'm sorry! I'm having trouble shaving our beard today
because yesterday you used our razor to sharpen our
eyebrow pencil."

共享一切

在新婚之日，新娘对她的丈夫说：「我们已经结婚了，从今天
起就是同一体，所以你不要再说『这是你的，那是我的』，
要说『这是我们的』。」先生同意了。

他们住的蜜月套房只有一间盥洗室，一起共用每样东西的感觉
很浪漫，不过第二天早晨，那位太太急着要用盥洗室，先生却
待在里面久久不出来。最后她忍不住说道：「亲爱的，你在里
面做什么？怎么那么久啊？」先生说：「喔，抱歉！因为昨天
用我们的刮胡刀削我们的眉笔，今天我刮我们的胡子时，
麻烦就大了！」

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

好消息＆坏消息

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

一名艺术家问画廊老板,最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息,”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品,他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉他你的画会升值,他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”
“真是太好了”,艺术家是喜形于色,“那坏消息是什么?”带着关心的口吻,画廊老板回答,“买画的人是你的医生”。

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

Note:
sparrow: [ˈspærəu] 麻雀
swallow: [ˈswɔləu] 燕子

You Can't Fool Me!

(Originally in English)

There was a lady from the countryside who

came to the city and checked into a hotel.

Then she said to the bellman, "I refuse to

take a tiny room like this, with no window

and no bed in it! You can't treat me like a

fool just because I don't travel much! I'm

going to complain to the manager!" So

the bellman said very politely, "Madam,
this isn't your room. It's the elevator!"

休想骗我

有一位乡下妇人进城去。她到

一家旅馆登记住宿后，对提行李的服务生

抗议说：「你们怎么可以给我这么小的房间，

既没有窗户也没有床！你们别以为我不常

旅行就想骗我！我要找你们经理申诉！」

那个服务生很客气地回答：「夫人，这里

不是你的房间，这是电梯！」

Which woman?

　 One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

　　My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

　　哪一位女人？

　　一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。

当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

　 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”

Note：

headlight: [ˈhedlait] 汽车前灯；

windshield: [ˈwindʃi:ld] 挡风玻璃，防风罩